Ups and Downs

We all have them. Some of us down right hate them - the ups and downs of life. I enjoy my up times. But now, I find myself dealing with the down times. Maybe I shouldn't blog when I'm feeling this way. But what good would that do? If I just write about my up times and never about my down times, then you as my reader would think that I have it all together and then you wouldn't get the full picture. I don't have it all together. I'm far from having it together. I'm trying to find the beauty in my broken pieces, and let me tell you, it's not easy. It's definitely not easy. There are lessons I've learned along this journey, and I'm sure there will be more lessons I learn. And as I learn them, I will share them. So for now, I write while I'm in my down time. It's not so that I can bring you down with me. I write during my down times to let you know that I have them too. We all do. So what do we do during our down times? Well, personally, I would like to just stay in bed and not do anything. For the last few days, making myself get out of bed was a chore, but I did do it. That's a step in the right direction.
I have a lot I'm dealing with. A lot of emotional issues I'm trying to work through. And it's hard...very hard. So how will I deal with it? I do what works for me. I close my eyes and wait to hear from my Lord, my Savior, my Friend. It seems as though He's all I have now. And maybe for now, this is best. I realized something yesterday while writing an email. Without thinking but just writing from my heart, certain words were written down. And those words have been a breakthrough for me. What did I say? What did I write? In that email I wrote, "I honestly don't know how to be loved or how to love." That's where all of my issues start. What a revelation! What a breakthrough! So, where do I go from here? I guess I need to learn how to accept love; how to be loved; and how to love. A new journey is beginning along with the others. Journeys that are painful and difficult. But if I'm going to find true healing, if I'm going to find the beauty in my broken pieces, then I must travel these journeys no matter how painful or how difficult they get.
Some people choose not believe in God. I have to. Because without God, without my Heavenly Father, I won't survive these journeys, and I'll never find the beauty in my broken pieces.